With the advent of digital-photography, it seems easier and easier to take, and process, better and better pictures.

Now we can take images until we’re satisfied and have little, if any, additional cost involved (compared to the old “film days”).

But, of course, there is a cost involved in learning to deal with all the terms and accessories you now need to know that you’re both the photographer and photo-mat all in one. It’s nature’s way of keeping the playing field even.
I get questions daily about file-formats, optical disks (CD-R, DVD-R, DVD+R, DVD-ROM BluRay, ad-nauseam…).
In the interest of being helpful to our readers, we thought we’d bring you a quick run-down of some of the more than 6-trillion (at last count) technical terms and acronyms that you’ll need to learn in order to take a picture of your Uncle Sal.
I thought we’d start with a few camera terms then follow this up with more computer-related terms, but since, nowadays, the 2 camps intermingle a lot,it would probably be an exercise in futility. So in no particular order…
The first term is:
NIKON-The first feudal capital of Japan
Canon-A device (made in post-feudal Japan) that blasts pictures out the front
Telephoto- (Tele= Predicts, Divines and Photo=Picture) A lens that can take a predictive-photo of what she really looks like without her make-up.
F***Stop -A command for kids when taking pictures, such as: “F***Stop all that F****ing NOISE!!!!”
Shutter-release- A Tremor of anticipation the photographer feels just before taking a picture.
Remote Shutter Release- Tremors from on-lookers before the photographer takes a picture.
Sync-speed-The speed at which the dishwater drains.
Slow-sync-A clogged drain.
Macro-A fish.
Holy-Macro - A fish served on Fridays and Sundays.
BitMap-A map that’s been chewed by the dog.
Brightness-IQ of the person taking the picture
Hue-Some guy from Fresno.
Saturation-Late friday night partying and drinking.
CMYK- a statement like: “C Myk run?” or “C Myk climb the ladder?”
Contrast-The trails left behind by jet-aircraft.
DPI- a slightly off female-photographer, as in: “She’s pretty dpi isn’t she?”
Grayscale image-A close-up of the side of a fish (or snake) with no color.
Halftone-The male equivalent of the DPI female, such as: “You gotta forgive Ron, he’s a halftone, he’s not playing with a full deck…”
Highlight-A flash placed on the 39th floor of the Empire State Building.
Image Resolution-The final conclusion, amicably arrived at, between you and your wife as to where, exactly, that picture of her was taken.
JPEG-A Peg or Hook that’s shaped like a “J” to be able to hold up your jacket
Luminance-an insect of the family “Formicidae” that can glow in the dark.
Moiré-an Italian pattern that’s easily recognized usually with the exclamation “That’s a moiré!!”
Pixel- a very tiny picture
PICT- What that little kid does right when you snap the shutter…”Ma, Ronnie’s Pict his noze again!!!”
PPI- Proudness of person who’s been potty trained.
Printer Resolution-The final conclusion, amicably arrived at, between you and your wife as to which printer to buy.
Resample-Go back to Costco to pick up more free food samples.
Resolution-The final conclusion, amicably arrived at, between you and your wife. a rare occasion…enjoy it.
RGB-Red, Green,Blue….duh.
GRB-Green,Red, Blue…Hello?
BRG-British Racing green (gotcha!).
Screen Frequency- a bad computer monitor “This screen frequency has problems displaying the right colors…”
Thumbnails-Yes, just what you’re thinking….
Fingernails-See above.
TIFF-My Niece
Byte-A small nibble
Kilobyte-a small nibble of an illegal substance
Megabyte-the large chomp your Aunt Agatha just took out of your burger.
Terabyte-A nibble taken out of the earth.
LCD-Lost music disc, as in: “Where the L’s that Donnie and Marie CD I just bought?????”
Memory card- An index card you write stuff on so you won’t forget anything like AC adapters when you go out taking photos.
Digitize-To place your finger in someone’s eyes (See “Curly & 3-stooges” in Wikipedia)
Photo-kiosk-A small stand found on the sidewalks in Paris where you can pee and have your picture taken.
Aliasing-Taking pictures of little green men from outer space (See “Arkansas” in Wikipedia)
Viewfinder-Sending the husband out to scout a good photo location.
Sensor- another exclamation, like “You fell in that pool trying to take that picture, ain’t you got no sense-or what???
Noise-See “F**Stop!”
Interpolation-When a person from Warsaw enters the room.
Optical-Finding the best place to take a feather and use it to make someone giggle.
Aspect Ratio- a statement like “Aspect the ratio of light to dark is too high for a good photo…”
Time lapse- The long time it takes for many Point & Shoot cameras to take the picture after you’ve pressed the shutter.
Barrel Distortion-Too much beer.
Pincushion distortion-Too tight of undies.
Depth of field-Varies between California milk-farms and Kansas milk-farms.

Well, I guess that’s a good start on the list. I hope this helps all of you with your digital-photo fun. If I’ve forgotten any of your favorites, or terms you’d like to learn, be sure and let me know!

(*Disclaimer - Dis claimer is to the fact that any similarity between persons or phrases living or dead is purely coincidental. No english language was harmed in the making of this blog. for (hopefully) entertainment use only, don’t try this at home. marcas registradas y piso mojado.)